I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
