My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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