So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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