We named our party play list daddy issues
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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