Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...