There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid