I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up under a house in Key West
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