You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
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I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
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I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
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