I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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