Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize