Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
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