Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
