I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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