My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
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Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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