Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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