your parents love me but you hate me
Sponge bath it is.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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