Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
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Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
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My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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