Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
