Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
