I seem to have left my pride at pride
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
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btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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