so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
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You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
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Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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