He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
