sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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