At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
