i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How does one acquire holy water?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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