I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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