I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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