when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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