I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
