mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So squirting runs in the family.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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