I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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