proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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