If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
