is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
