dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
