Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
