Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
