I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
