we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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