At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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