I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
