I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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