He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
