I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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