so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
