my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
