Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
