yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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