Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
