I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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