If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
