I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
