I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My day in three words: secret purse cake
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
