He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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