So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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