At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
