i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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