can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
