Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
