best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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