I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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