so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What a fucking waste of an outfit
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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